Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Trial of my life
Ok, so, I've had some incredible challenges in my life especially since I've been married, but this by far is the BEST yet to come. I say best because it's so huge that I must really need to learn a lesson. I am really struggling to be a good mother and wife and friend. I am struggling to feel the love of Christ in my life. In return, I am not able to share it. All my children se, hear and feel from me is negativity and contention. I have been praying alot for Heavenly Father to help me. Some days I see his hand in my life, but others I wonder what I'm doing wrong that I can't recognize his hand in my life. I know he's always there, but I struggle to recognize Him. Spencer is going through some hard times right now and I am not handling some situations the way I should and it just makes things worse. He is on this power struggle so he thinks he can do what he wants, when he wants, and how he wants. I try to offer choices, so I still maintain minimal contol, but I've lost the battle. He is totally in control. He thinks he makes the rules and is so disrespectful to his family. The last two days, I have just prayed. I tell him I love him and try to speak with love so he knows I am here for him. I tell him I pray for him and he says "prayers cant help me" Isn't that sad? Is this what I've taught my child? I am trying so hard to just love my kids and not show them that I am torn inside. I just want to let them be kids and not always be on their case about stuff. I want them to feel good at home. Home should be a place of refuge for them.
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3 comments:
Mandy, it's funny (well, not funny, wrong word), but I think everyone goes through these times. Believe me, I know. I think the best thing you can do, is to keep praying, and to keep trying to find the things that make our lives good. Although, it's hard to do so. I've struggled, and I've found that when I trust in the thing I know, then my life seems to be better, maybe not free of trials, but better. I hope that everything goes better for you!
I hope you know you are a great mom, just in a little rut these days. We wouldn't be human if we didn't have times like these. Just keep praying and looking for ways to serve your family. I know when I'm having a hard time, if I take a step back and see their needs before mine, it tends to help the situation. Today, for example, I was getting really frustrated with the kids and sent them to their naps early. I had HAD it. Ben was crying and I felt bad. I prayed that I would be more patient and decided to play some games with them when they woke up. It really was fun and we had a good time together. Wish I was there to come over so we could chat like old times. Love you.
Hey Mandy, You are so not alone, and I think the hardest times for me are when I feel like my children are rejecting everything related to Christ. It gets better (then probably worse again but we haven't hit the second wave yet). And I for sure know what you are going through. Also, the hardest behavior to deal with is power because our natural reaction as parents is to power back and that can be the exact wrong thing to do. One of my kids was all about power. It was SO HARD! My mom is a family and High School counselor and she gave me her book that she says is one of the best. It really helped us with our power struggles. It's called Redirecting Children's Behavior by Kathryn Kvols. It helps you figure out what goal your child is trying to achieve when misbehaving and how to best react. It also has some other great stuff in there including (this one is pretty fun to read) possible annoying, normal behavior, broken down by age. Its pretty funny to read those because I'm like "My kid totally does that and it drives me nuts!" Anyway, I hope this helps, and please know you are not alone!
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